By K Sree Bhanu & K Gayatri Pavani
Certified Baby Sleep Consultants | Sleep and Wellness
It's 2 a.m. You've spent forty minutes rocking your baby to sleep. You lower them toward the cot, hold your breath, and their eyes pop open.
If that sounds familiar, you're in good company. "My baby only sleeps with me" is one of the most common things tired parents say, and it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong.
This guide explains why it happens, how to make sleep safer right now, and how to move toward the cot at a pace that feels kind. If baby sleep problems are leaving you exhausted, you don't have to work it all out alone. We'll also look at when a baby sleep consultant in Australia can help, and when a GP or child health nurse is the better first call.
Quick answer: Start by making sleep safer tonight. The safest place for a baby is their own flat, firm sleep space, ideally in your room for at least the first six months, according to Red Nose. After that, change one small thing at a time. If you're exhausted or worried, personalised support can help.
You don't need to fix everything in a week. Small, steady steps are easier on your baby and on you.
Your baby spent nine months in a warm, dark, noisy space that moved whenever you did. Then they arrived in a quiet, flat, cooler cot. No wonder they'd rather be near you.
A few things are going on:
This isn't bad behaviour, and it isn't a "bad habit" you created by being loving. It's normal baby biology. The aim isn't to stop comforting your baby. It's to help them feel safe in a space that's also safe for sleep.
This one phrase covers several different situations, and each needs a slightly different fix. Which sounds most like you?
Working out which one is happening makes the next step much clearer. If your baby's night waking is the bigger worry, our guide to baby night waking is a good companion read.
Whatever stage you're at, safety comes first. Red Nose, Australia's safe sleep organisation, recommends these basics for every sleep, day and night:
A note on bed sharing and co-sleeping. Red Nose does not recommend sharing a sleep surface with your baby. But many exhausted families end up doing it, sometimes by accident. If that's you, it helps to know the higher-risk situations so you can avoid them. These include babies under three months, babies born premature or small for their gestational age, smoking exposure, alcohol or sedating drugs, extreme tiredness, and sleeping on a sofa or couch. You can read the full guidance in Red Nose's pages on sleeping with your baby and co-sleeping.
The sofa is the one to avoid. If you're feeding or settling your baby at night and might fall asleep, move to a firm, safe spot, not a couch or recliner. Don't use pillows or wedges to prop your baby either.
If your baby won't sleep in the cot, the answer is rarely one big change. Think of it as a series of small, gentle steps.
Step 1: Choose one sleep to practise first. For many families, the first nap of the day is a manageable starting point. Pick whichever sleep is most predictable for your baby.
Step 2: Make the cot a familiar place. Spend a little time in the room during the day, chatting or singing nearby, so it becomes a normal part of their world. Never add anything to the cot to make it feel more familiar.
Step 3: Settle in your arms first. Rock, feed or cuddle until your baby is calm and drowsy.
Step 4: Place your baby down gently. Lower them into the cot and settle them on their back. You can keep a reassuring hand on them for a moment if that helps.
Step 5: Stay close. A soft shush, a gentle hand or your voice can help them feel you haven't gone far.
Step 6: Pick them up if they need it. If your baby is very upset, comfort them and try again later. That isn't failing. It shows them the cot is safe and you're still there.
Step 7: Repeat for a few days. Babies learn through repetition. Once one sleep is going better, you can add another.
Settling a baby in the cot takes time, and some days will feel like a step backwards. That's normal. A steady bedtime routine can make each step easier, and if you're weighing up approaches, our comparison of gentle sleep training and cry-it-out explains what the research says.
A baby who only sleeps with you isn't a problem to solve overnight. It's a stage, and with the right support it will pass. Start small, put safety first, and be kind to yourself along the way. If you'd like a plan built around your baby and your family, contact Sleep and Wellness . Calmer nights are possible.
This guide was prepared by Sleep and Wellness, a sleep consultation practice founded by certified sleep consultants Gayatri Pavani and K. Sree Bhanu. Sleep and Wellness works with families around the world through personalized, online sleep consultations, supporting parents across the US, Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, India, Singapore, and beyond. Our work covers newborn sleep, toddler sleep, and gentle, responsive sleep training approaches — built around each child's temperament and each family's routine, rather than a one-size-fits-all plan, and adapted to different family schedules, cultures, and time zones. To learn more, explore the full range of sleep consultation services.